Why Me Syndrome....

The past couple of weeks have been insane.  My husband and I traveled to our very last wedding.  You would think from this blog that I am a complete jetsetter, but we have had a summer filled with family events, and have been lucky enough to be able to enjoy them sans children (thank god for grandparents).  Of course the day before I left for my latest adventure (Glouchester, Massachusetts is gorgeous, for those of you who have never been), I picked the kids up from carpool and their teacher seemed very unhappy.  She told me Jake was having trouble controlling himself in class.  I asked if he was following the lead of some other children in class, but she said he was instigating.  Hard to believe.  Jake tends to be a follower, and there are some pretty awful kids in that room, but what could I say.  One emergency call to his head therapist, one email from his teacher detailing his indiscretions, and one flight to Massachusetts later, and I had Jill going to check on him while I lay at a beach house with twelve people and one shower!  Needless to say, I didn't even have time to warm my beach chair before I was fielding phone calls and emails from teachers and therapists alike.  Two out of three days of my vacation were spent trying to sort out what was going wrong in the boys' class.  Jacob is no angel, but after encountering indignation from all the therapists (GOD BLESS GOOD THERAPISTS) who swore there was noooooo way that was the same kid they worked with, it came to light that Jake had been given an inch in class and was taking twenty miles.  Our school is a little loose with discipline.  Without discipline, Jake is a wild man.  Add to that plenty of friends to get into trouble with, and you have a recipe for quite a pain in the ass.

Needless to say, I have been home for three days, and I am still dealing with it.  Jake has been getting better, but I have a feeling he would have to be perfect to get any credit at this point.  I should be thrilled.  He is being mischievious, but typical for an almost four-year-old.  It is just frustrating to know that he is capable of behaving, but is choosing not to.  It is also frustrating to wonder how much of it he maybe can't control.  I like to think he can, but I often ponder whether I traded one set of issues for another.  Will he now be labeled ADHD because the medicines that pulled him out of the cloud he was living in also make him hyper?  Maybe it isn't the medicines at all.  Maybe this is just what his problems morphed into.  I could go on all day.  I am filled with questions that have no answers. 

I decided it was time to tour another school.  Pre-K is next year, and Jake needs more structure.  He also needs to be around better children.  We have met some real winners at our current preschool, and Jake doesn't need the influence.  I went along with a friend to see a private school in our area.  Holy cow!  It is amazing what $14,000 will buy you in terms of early childhood education.  The school was brand new and high tech.  The children were so well behaved that it was like they were pumping drugs through the air.  I immediately thought that there would be no better place for my quiet kiddo, Dylan.  He would excel in this intellectual playground.  But then I thought about Jake.  The woman explained that there was a screening process to get in.  They only take average to above average children, and they tend not to want behavior issues.  No wonder the classrooms were so Stepford.  Not that my husband and I were looking to spend $28,000 on Pre-K, but it made me sad that a child as smart as Jake might not even be able to get into a school as incredible as this.  Walking with my friend (who also has twins), I knew she did not have the same concerns.  She didn't have to wonder whether her fabulous kids would be well-behaved enough to be accepted.  She didn't have to worry what the school nurse or classroom teacher would think about the medicines Jake would have to take before each meal and snack.  "Why me?" I wondered.  Why do I have to kill myself thinking about these things?  It affected the way I reacted to the boys when I picked them up.  Their teacher didn't walk them out, but Jake quickly admitted to getting put into time out during lunch.  I laid into him, more so than I would have on any other day.  I was still thinking "why me?", and I let it change the way I treated him.

Ever since I had the boys I have had to deal with one issue or another.  Stomach issues, immune issues, speech delays, behavioral issues, etc...  Clearly that is just part of being a parent, but I have had more than my fair share.  Strangely a psychic at a birthday party once told me that Jake would get past all of this crap and would become a CEO.  I keep the paper she wrote that on under my pillow.  On days like these I rub it a little and gain strength from believing it is true.  I may say "why me", but I also know that God only gives us what we can handle.  He must think I am one tough lady!  I guess I have to prove him right!