In Defense of my Kiddo...

I did something recently that I was hoping I would not have to do.  I told Jacob's teacher all about his background.  I divulged his medicines, his issues that have been resolved, and the things that we still deal with today.  Jacob started this year with an almost clean slate, and although his teacher knew he had been in therapy (she was his camp counselor, and at that point the therapist was coming once or twice a week), I had high hopes that this would be the year he would just be considered a "normal" kid.  Apparently that was not meant to be.  Due to some behavior fluctuations that I am hoping were due to a change in juice (and the sweetner used in it), Jake's behavior went from that of slightly energetic child to a full blown mental patient.  Enter the Big J.....Judgement!  His teacher went from loving his enthusiasm to blaming all of society's ills (ok, maybe just the class ills) on my poor, pain in the butt, kiddo.  I had to respond.  I did the one thing I knew could keep her from picking on him....I let her know how far he had come.  Let's see her try to judge him now!!!

I never thought I would be one of those parents who would live in denial, yet here I am playing the "not my child" game.  I blamed his lack of focus, inability to sit still, and crying fits on the stress of the class environment (thankfully it is a tough class, so it doesn't look like a lie).  Meanwhile, Jacob's hyperactivity was skyrocketing.  It took me watching him in a gymnastics class (something I try to avoid at all costs, for fear that I will run on to the floor and correct his behavior when he is not listening) to realize how bad things had become.  Although his gymnastics teacher tried to sugarcoat it and tell me how much fun he was, she also told me that whatever I had fed him that day, I should never give him again.  The poor thing could not keep his body still in any way, shape, or form.  He spent the entire hour laughing like a loon, jumping up and down, and flapping his hands like a bird...behavior I haven't seen peak like this in months.  A friend of mine, who was also watching the insanity, made sure to mention the special needs integrated class at her school.  "He's flapping!" she pointed out, as if I hadn't noticed.  "You know what that means!" she whispered.  No...please enlighten me asshole.  I am sure you have sooooo much experience with this.  I am sure you have been living with these behaviors and trying to correct them for the past three years.  Oh wait...that's what I have been doing!!!!

I am very open about where the saga of Jacob began.  I tell my friends all about the medicine he gets on a daily basis.  I am hoping it may help someone someday.  I am also hoping it will protect him from being judged too harshly.  Jacob is a happy, social, hysterical kid, and if people find out that it was predicted at one point that he would be autisitc, they look at him through different eyes.  They realize how hard he, and I, have worked to get him to where he is.

I am not completely in denial.  When I found out he was having problems in school, I promptly called his behavioral therapists to return to us.  The huge bills my husband thought he was done paying started rolling in again, but when it comes to Jacob I will do whatever it takes.  I am always on top of things, and I am his toughest disciplinarian and his harshest critic.  I expect nothing short of awesome from him.  I judge him everyday.  There is one thing, however, I do not tolerate, and that is judgement passed by other people.  I feel completely and utterly responsible for everything Jake is and does.  I took a child who didn't talk or interact, and turned him into the goofball he is today.  Judging him is judging me, and that cuts deep on a primal level.  I have given blood, sweat, tears, and hours of sleep to help my Jacob, and I think we are both incredible.  I never knew I could be so strong and resolute when it came to solving a problem, and no one knew that Jacob would ever be capable of graduating from therapy (even if it was only temporary).  I may have played the sympathy card with his teacher, but what Jake needs is love and support, not judgement.  If I have to tell every person we come into contact with who he used to be, then so be it.  Maybe once they know, they will love him for what he has accomplished, and leave the judging to me!